You Follow One Kid Home, Rip Out His Eyes And All The Sudden You're A 'Killer' Squirrel
I'm a happy-go-lucky squirrel who loves living the good life of climbing trees and eating nuts. Mostly eating nuts. Man! I can't get enough of them. So tasty. But let's make one thing clear, right here and now: I have never killed anyone.
Look at me! I'm a squirrel, for crying out loud. How am I going to kill a human being? Even if I wanted to, it would be impossible. "Killer Squirrel?" Please. It's just a cruel name made up by lazy journalists who want to move papers.
The truth is that the "attack" in question was merely the result of an unfortunate misunderstanding between myself and a young boy with a bag of peanuts, who remains alive and well to this day. Does he have both eyes? No. Is he blind? Absolutely not! They were able to surgically re-insert the left eye, and he has about 40 percent of his sight in the right one.
So you tell me: How does that make me a killer?
More at onion squirrel.
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